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@@ -6,8 +6,6 @@ visibility: public-edit
how to actually maintain relationships at scale without it feeling like a chore. the system should feel like a natural extension of caring about people, not a sales pipeline.
-the core principle: **intentionality compounds.** a 5-minute text every month turns into a deep friendship over 2 years. the people who seem effortlessly connected aren't effortless — they're systematic.
-
---
## the tiered relationship system
@@ -17,25 +15,17 @@ not all relationships need the same frequency. trying to maintain weekly contact
### the tiers
**tier 1 — weekly (5-10 people)**
-your closest people. the ones you'd call at 2am. you should be in regular contact — texts, calls, hanging out. this tier doesn't need a system; it happens naturally. if it's not happening, the relationship might not be tier 1.
-
-example tier 1: your closest friends, co-founders, partners, family you're tight with.
+your closest people. the ones you'd call at 2am. this tier doesn't need a system; it happens naturally. if it's not happening, the relationship might not be tier 1.
**tier 2 — monthly (15-25 people)**
strong relationships that need regular watering. a monthly check-in keeps these warm. a text, a voice memo, grabbing coffee, sending them something relevant.
-example tier 2: good friends you don't see weekly, mentors, close collaborators, people you genuinely enjoy.
-
**tier 3 — quarterly (30-50 people)**
people you like and respect but don't need frequent contact with. a quarterly ping — "saw this and thought of you," "how's [specific thing] going?" — keeps the connection alive.
-example tier 3: former colleagues, friends from past chapters of life, people you clicked with at events, interesting acquaintances.
-
**tier 4 — annual (50-100+ people)**
the long tail. a birthday message, a holiday note, a congratulations on a life event. the goal isn't deep connection — it's keeping the door open.
-example tier 4: college acquaintances, conference connections, friends-of-friends you've met once or twice, professional network.
-
### the math
at these frequencies, maintaining 124 contacts looks like:
- 8 tier 1 × weekly = 8 touches/week
@@ -64,42 +54,22 @@ this is not about sending generic "checking in!" messages. each tier has natural
- **the introduction:** "you and [person] should know each other because [specific reason]." (see the double opt-in intro page)
### high-effort (reserve for tier 1-2)
-- **the handwritten note:** rare enough to be memorable. send one after a meaningful conversation or when someone does something impressive.
- **the gift:** doesn't need to be expensive. a book you loved, something related to their hobby, a joke gift referencing an inside joke.
- **the in-person visit:** traveling to see someone, or making time when you're in their city.
---
-## crm tools
-
-you need something to track who you should reach out to and when. the tool matters less than the habit.
-
-### dex
-personal CRM that syncs with linkedin, email, and social media. auto-updates contact info when people change jobs. good for people who have lots of professional contacts. browser extension integrates with linkedin and gmail so you can add notes in context.
-
-**best for:** professionals building large networks, people who want automated reminders.
-
-### monica (open source)
-self-hosted personal CRM. tracks contacts, relationships between people, important dates, gift ideas, activities, debts, journal entries. no ads, no data harvesting. you own your data.
+## tracking with Dex
-**best for:** privacy-conscious people who want full control. requires some technical setup to self-host.
+I use Dex as my personal CRM — 124+ contacts, tiered. it syncs with linkedin, email, and social media, auto-updates contact info when people change jobs. the browser extension integrates with linkedin and gmail so you can add notes in context.
-### notion/spreadsheet
-the simplest option. a table with: name, tier, last contact date, next contact date, notes, context. sort by "next contact date" each week and work through the list.
-
-**columns that matter:**
-- name
+the columns that matter most:
- tier (1-4)
-- last contacted
-- next contact due
-- how you met
+- last contacted / next contact due
- what they care about (the most important column)
- open threads (things you talked about that you can follow up on)
-**best for:** people who want full control without learning a new tool. harrison runs a 124+ contact system this way.
-
-### the "good enough" system
-if a full CRM feels heavy, try this: set a weekly recurring reminder that says "reach out to 3 people." open your contacts, scroll until someone jumps out, text them something genuine. no tracking, no tiers — just regular, lightweight outreach. better than no system.
+if a full CRM feels heavy, a spreadsheet with these same columns works fine. the tool matters less than the habit.
---
@@ -107,7 +77,7 @@ if a full CRM feels heavy, try this: set a weekly recurring reminder that says "
sometimes relationships drift or break. the instinct is to let them fade, but many are worth repairing — especially when the distance was circumstantial, not personal.
-### harrison's orbit experience
+### the orbit experience
during the orbit internship, relationships with ashray and enyu needed repair. the approach that worked: **one-on-one walks.** not a confrontation, not a group setting. walking side by side, talking about what happened, no agenda beyond reconnecting.
### why walks work for repair
@@ -115,7 +85,6 @@ during the orbit internship, relationships with ashray and enyu needed repair. t
- movement reduces tension
- no time pressure (unlike a scheduled meeting)
- the physical activity gives you something to do during silences
-- you can't check your phone
### the repair framework
1. **acknowledge the gap.** "we haven't talked in a while. i wanted to change that." simple, direct, no guilt-tripping.
@@ -130,29 +99,14 @@ during the orbit internship, relationships with ashray and enyu needed repair. t
---
-## the "intentionality compounds" principle
-
-small, consistent investments in relationships create disproportionate returns over time. the math is non-obvious:
-
-- texting someone monthly for a year = 12 touchpoints = a real friendship
-- helping someone once when they need it = they remember you for years
-- introducing two people who click = both associate you with good things forever
-- showing up to someone's event when nobody else does = loyalty
-
-the mistake most people make: they invest in relationships only when they need something. by then it's too late — the account is empty.
-
-the system works in reverse too: when you need help, the people you've been consistently investing in are the ones who show up. not because of obligation — because the relationship is real.
-
-
## common failure modes
**over-systematizing:** if your CRM feels like a sales funnel, you've gone too far. the system should remind you to reach out. the actual interaction should be genuine.
-**frequency mismatch:** reaching out weekly to someone who's a quarterly relationship feels like stalking. read the signal. if someone takes 2 weeks to respond, they're probably tier 3-4, not tier 1-2.
+**frequency mismatch:** reaching out weekly to someone who's a quarterly relationship feels like stalking. if someone takes 2 weeks to respond, they're probably tier 3-4, not tier 1-2.
**the "checking in" trap:** "hey, just checking in!" is the emptiest possible message. always include something specific — a question, a share, a reference to something you last talked about.
-**guilt spirals:** you'll miss weeks. you'll let touchpoints slip. this is normal. don't let guilt about a missed month turn into six months of avoidance. just reach out. "it's been a while — been thinking about you" always works.
+**guilt spirals:** you'll miss weeks. you'll let touchpoints slip. don't let guilt about a missed month turn into six months of avoidance. just reach out. "it's been a while — been thinking about you" always works.
**treating it like networking:** the goal is not to "build a network." the goal is to maintain relationships with people you genuinely care about. if you're reaching out to someone only because they might be useful, stop. they can tell.
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