Edit wiki/things-that-worked/social-wins.md — Work Reflections

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# relationship and social strategies that worked

some of the biggest wins weren't technical or productivity-related. they were social — figuring out how to connect with people in ways that were genuine and also strategic.

## reaching out aggressively

"great intentionality from reaching out has paid off." during the startup internship and after, i made a habit of reaching out to people cold. not spam — targeted, genuine outreach to people i found interesting.

the results were disproportionate. one week i talked to 20+ people (calls, walks, coffee chats). some were amazing, some were mediocre. but the hit rate was high enough that the strategy clearly worked.

"just literally talk to everyone (and be cool). balance between breadth and depth — gotta know people well, and know lots of people."

## walks as social technology

walks became my default social format. a cofounder told me: "one of the biggest ways i can get feedback is walks." he was right. walks are better than sitting meetings because:
- no screen to hide behind
- physical movement keeps energy up
- you're side by side, not face to face (less confrontational)
- natural pauses feel comfortable, not awkward
- conversation goes deeper faster

"the best conversations happened walking around the city at night or during breaks between work sessions."

## appreciation circles and heart-to-hearts

"initiating appreciation circle & more heart to heart convos was super great today." i started doing this at events and gatherings — just steering the conversation toward genuine appreciation of each other. it felt vulnerable at first but people responded incredibly well.

"consistent with show appreciation — a friend very much has a good habit of being like 'i think you're cool, like your projects.' rephrased but same idea." making appreciation a habit, not just something that happens spontaneously.

tactically: "take selfies with people at events and send it to them." small gesture, huge relationship maintenance.

## the "talk to more people during school" discovery

a pattern from weekly reflections: "talk to more people at school. spend more time talking to people." i'd been treating school as a productivity zone and social time as a separate thing. but the best social connections happened during the margins — before class, between periods, at lunch.

"at school, spend more time socializing. spend time at home working." this division was simple and effective.

## finding the right people

"once you find a node, don't let go. good nodes bring you in flows of people." the CEO framed networking like a graph search problem:
- find one exceptional person
- that person is connected to other exceptional people
- follow the connections

"when finding a node, chance that it's connected [to other good nodes] given that everyone is searching is very high."

practically: go to events even if they seem mediocre. "if there's even a 1% chance [of meeting someone exceptional], you should go." one of the best connections at the startup came from a mediocre fellowship event.

## navigating conflict

"make hard convos on call to retain the relationship and prevent misrepresentation." text is terrible for disagreement. calls preserve tone and allow real-time repair.

when i had to navigate a tricky team switch situation: "many instincts for things to say (to be logical) but tried empathy & validation and that seemed to work well." the strategy:
1. state my needs
2. frame it as "we are working together"
3. expand the state of possible outcomes
4. find framings that aren't hurtful

## the connection discovery

"connection is so great, can connect in my own thinking, in convos, and also just talking to people." genuine connection — not networking, not strategic relationship-building — turned out to be the thing that made everything else work. [[bouncing ideas off people|social-strategy]] was inherently pleasurable and also the most productive thing i could do with social time.

"bouncing ideas off people is such a good experience. asking what they think of certain things. show, not tell. also this is actually the life — building cool things and showing them to people."

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*see also: [[asking good questions|asking-good-questions]], [[social strategy|social-strategy]], [[work sessions|work-sessions]]*