relationship repair
deliberate strategies for fixing friction with teammates. not avoiding conflict — resolving it.
the one-on-one walk
at a neurotech startup, i deliberately repaired relationships with two teammates who initially seemed annoying. the strategy: intentional one-on-one walks.
walks work because:
- you're side-by-side, not face-to-face (less confrontational)
- the change of scenery lowers defenses (see zooming-out)
- walking pace creates natural pauses — no pressure to fill silence
- it signals investment — you're spending time specifically on this person
the key word is deliberate. these weren't accidental encounters. i identified friction, decided to address it, and created opportunities for connection.
express, don't demand
from a team experience: "best path is to just tell them how i'm feeling, don't ask for anything, and just keep working" (see feedback-and-honesty).
the instinct is to demand change: "you need to do X differently." but that creates defensiveness. the alternative: share your experience without asking for anything. "i felt X when Y happened." then keep working. often, the other person adjusts on their own.
suspicion is poison
suspicion makes team dynamics cooked. once you start assuming ill will, every action confirms your bias. the fix: "assume no ill will, assume fighting own battle" (see team-dynamics).
when repair isn't possible
"picking the right people is very important, working with people you don't vibe with is tiring." sometimes the issue isn't fixable through repair — it's a fundamental mismatch. recognizing when to invest in repair vs. when to move on is its own skill.